🎙️ Visibility Redefined 🎶
For 30 years, I was visible —
In my personal life, in employment, in business, and through the many roles I was paid to play or volunteered to perform for others. 🎧🎤
Until my health — and then my body — began to crash.
First, my health gave out. Then my body followed — collapsing under the weight of all the unheard screams it had carried for years. 💥🫀
My mind fogged. My emotions numbed. Breathing became a conscious effort.
And just like that, the performer in me disappeared into a black hole. 🌑
I came off camera. I stepped out of view. I stopped performing — not just the shows or the sets, but the parts of me the world had come to love.
I stopped sharing what once flowed so freely —
The work, the wisdom, the joy — everything my successful 30-year reputation had been built on. 🎶
I stopped living.
Which is when it hit me: I’d slipped silently back into compliance… into mere existence… and finally, into survival mode — trapped, and unable to see a way out. 🌀
For the last two years, I’ve been in hiding —
Post-burnout. Post-diagnosis.
Deep in recovery from a way of life I didn’t realise was costing me everything.
Late-diagnosed as neurodivergent (Autism and ADHD),
I was suddenly staring at a version of myself I didn’t recognise —
One I’d spent a lifetime masking over. 🧩🕵️♀️
This wasn’t the first time I’d broken down…
But it was the deepest, the darkest, and the loneliest to date.
Made harder still by the fact I was now married — not single — and never truly got the chance to make this time all about me.
🎧 To my surprise, the one thing that’s consistently helped me hold on has been the connection with my Secret Clubbers audience —
My monthly members who became an unexpected tonic.
They found me, and I found them, back in 2020 during my first-ever Mixcloud test —
A 20-minute set that turned into a 5-hour session on a random Wednesday night 🎛️💃
— back when the world came together as one.
Alongside them, my tuition business (🎚️ founded 10 years ago)
And the clients I’ve worked with consistently for the last seven years
Have not only carried me through COVID —
They’ve literally kept me alive. 💡💞
Despite the tangled, complicated circumstances around me,
I had to detach and isolate just to catch my breath.
And in that stillness…
I reactivated my soul. 🎵✨
I remembered the path I began over two decades ago —
And realigned with the purpose that had never stopped calling.
It was my second awakening —
Deeper. Truer. Entirely on my own terms. 🎶🌅
🎭 The Show Mustn’t Go On (Unless It’s Real)
The difference between showing up authentically and performing became crystal clear.
I don’t wait until I feel calm or in control —
I show up even when I’m not.
Because if I only share the shiny, put-together parts,
I’m giving you half the story.
And I want to be seen for all of me —
Not just the curated highlights, but the whole picture: raw, real, and unfinished. 🎙️🎭
🎚️ Discernment is My New Soundcheck
That’s become the clearest filter of all —
A way to recognise who’s truly aligned.
Who honours the full spectrum of me.
Who can meet me where I am, without needing me to shrink, soften, or perform.
From family to friends, colleagues to CEOs —
I now see:
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Who has boundaries, and who doesn’t.
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Who respects capacity, and who drains it. 🧘♀️🚫
Because I’ve learned how to hold space for myself,
Every interaction becomes a mirror —
An invitation to grow, to be honest, or to lovingly let go. 🎚️💬🪞
🎵 I Don’t Get On Stage For Just Anyone
There was a time I said yes to every mic, every gig, every spotlight. 🎤🌟
I thought visibility was the goal. That being seen was the same as being valued.
But experience teaches you what ambition never could:
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I’ve been burned out under bright lights.
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I’ve been applauded for performances that didn’t feel like mine.
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I’ve shown up polished and perfect while silently falling apart inside.
So no — I don’t get on stage for just anyone anymore.
Visibility without alignment doesn’t cut it.
Being seen by the wrong audience can wound more deeply than staying hidden. 💔🎭
Now I choose differently.
I say yes when it feels like home.
When I’m invited to be whole — not just helpful.
I speak when there’s room for nuance, not noise.
I share when there’s space for silence. 🎙️🫶
And I support others in finding their voice too —
Not the loudest, not the most polished, but the one that actually feels like them.
Because real resonance is felt — not faked.
💡 If You’re Still Hiding
If you’re navigating burnout, masking, or identity loss —
I see you.
You’re not broken —
You’re breaking through.
You don’t have to be polished to be powerful. 🌱🎧
This is my quiet rebellion.
This is how I rise.
This is visibility redefined.
And it’s not the end of my story —
🎶 It’s the beginning of a much truer one.